Words you don't want to hear on your first date:
by Mark Peters

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Tense, restless

Normal or small pupils

Posture remains closed

Keeps drink high

Grips or pinches self

Squeezes, taps objects

Legs remain crossed

Back of hand gestures

Swings crossed legs

Keeps shoe on

Touches face

Never touches you

Feet on edges or toes

Tightens anything

Leans away

Tapping, drumming

Not to gross you out or anything, but I find that my finger is always up my nose nowadays. Maybe it's allergies, but this warmer weather has certainly prompted me to do some more "spring cleaning," if you know what I mean. What do you think? This is not a joke.

Alert, energetic

Pupils dilated

Gradually opens posture

Lowers drink

Touches self gently

Caresses objects

Crosses and uncrosses legs

Flashes of palm

Crossed legs steady

Dangles shoe on toe

Hands never touch face

Touches you any reason

Feet firmly on floor

Loosens anything

Leans forward

Steady hands, feet

I want you masturbate butt to listen to me very carefully.

Never sneaks a peek

Fleeting eye contact

Looks away quickly

Looks away, eyes level

Posture unchanged

Does no preening

Turns body away

Head remains vertical

Eyes remain normal

Neutral, polite face

Posture unchanged

Normal or dull eyes

Keeps mouth closed

Sags to de-emphasize breasts

I like to read, draw, and recruit people to my world.

Sidelong glance(s)

Looks at you a few times

Holds your gaze briefly

Downcast eyes, then away

Posture changes to alert

Preens, adjusts hair, attire

Turns body toward you

Tilts head

Narrows eyes slightly


Matches your posture

Eyes sparkle

Licks her lips

Thrusts breasts

"You know what's the worst? When a guy has a pet name for his penis: Wiener, Love Hammer, Lucky Chuckie . . . forget it," says Carey, a lawyer in San Francisco. Her ex-husband, Harold, named his penis after himself. "I cringe whenever I think about it now: Say hi to Harold . . . Ugh. I didn't want him putting a whole entity in me! I wanted an organ, not an alien life-form!"


October 1999