for him
by Mark Peters

Leave him
Dangle him
Strand him
Erode him
Drop him
Sink him
Get him a terrifying ordeal
Put him in jail
Scare him
Rezone him
Replace him
Paint him
Target him with garbage and debris
Rain on him
Kidnap him
Dispute him
Give him three days of captivity
Kill him
Injure him
Attack him
Hurt him
Make him a victim
Fight him
Open fire
Give no details
Wound him badly with a semi-automatic rifle
Shoot him
Massacre him
Start using weapons
Resort to weapons
Answer by force
Testify against him
Decide his political future
Shoot him to death
Injure him in a hit-and-run accident
Restrict his access to public benefits
Throw him out the window
Heat him
Use efficient equipment
Come to his home
Sell him
Lose him
Disappear him
Give him a birthmark
Implicate him
Condemn his stance
End his marriage
Track down his true identity through the internet
Put him in a wheelchair, recovering from a head-on collision that leaves him with multiple injuries
Divorce him
Suspect him
Aggravate him
Give him a 40-year jail term
Poke fun at him
Take his words literally
Crash his plane in a field
Strike him
Wait for him to end
Dismiss his offer
Threaten to bring down his shaky coalition
Control him
Tamper with his monitoring equipment
Inspect him
Avoid him
Carry his body to its final resting place
Retire him
Stop him
Raise a bit of a ruckus
Insult him
Risk his life
Discuss it publicly
Call him an honorable horse
Strip him
Make him agree to live on a food stamp budget
Investigate him and other contributors
Monitor him
Take up to three months
Bury him under several feet of snow Sunday afternoon
Send a threatening e-mail message to him
Cause a decline in his sperm count
Give him certain types of cancer of the male reproductive system and a growing number of unusual birth defects
Make him infertile
Disrupt his hormones
Pack him in a van and primp him
Mist his needles to keep him moist
Prop him up in a hotel bathtub overnight
Cut him down
Stretch him
Purchase him
Share him
Make a stack of tiles fall on his parked van
Become terrifyingly aggressive
Stare at him
Mime a kiss
Nibble on him
Thaw him
Enjoy the parade
Smell him
Reheat him
Disappoint him
Don't do anything for him
Trade him for anything
Call him by his first name
Scare him into respecting you
Change his feelings
Give him a C in math
Break his windows
Break his dreams
Head inside with a tool box
Bring down his neighborhood
Rip off the water heater, the copper piping, the furnace, the windows, and the aluminum siding
Lure him into secluded areas by corn bait
Choose corrosive indirection rather than plain speaking
Indoctrinate him
It's not that there's been any shortage of wrong-doing
Finesse him
Spin him
Handle him
Pay him off
Bite a piece out of his ear
Offer a grudging and remorseless apology during the sentencing phase of his assault trial
Make mistakes
Give him the common cold
Give a green light to a heavy aerial whacking
Do not hurt him
Involve him in a near-fatal accident last year while driving a smaller car
Make him better
Spit at him
Largely ignore him
Give him HIV
Take a ride on his train set
Just look at him
Throw a chair at him and pull a knife
View him as a threat
Focus on non-lethal control efforts
Learn from his mistakes
See him as a detriment, not as an asset
Purchase him at the door for $6.50
When cooked, he tastes like steak, and he practically jumps into your frying pan
Domesticate him
Breed him into waddling but heavy-bosomed relics of his majestic ancestors
It's not too late
Take his children
Fire three shots into his home
After pausing to make a sandwich, take his TV set as well as $100 in cash and leave by a side door
Place him in foster care
Represent him
Charge him with reckless endangerment - a misdemeanor - because he had a passenger, a 17-year-old girl, with him
I'm so mad I could scream
Find him
Throw an engagement ring at him
Play a trick on him
His diaper is full
Squash him
Get worse
Send him a letter of intent
Close his doors
Wait and see
Expose him
Kill him after a long illness
Kill him after a lengthy illness
Kill him unexpectedly
Include his parents, two brothers, two sisters and his grandparents
Services will be held at 11 a.m. Wednesday
Hope he meets an untimely end
Call in the wrecking crew
Put him on the road to despondency
Don't be misled by statistics however
Block him
Keep him honest
Get the job done
Hurt his other knee
High-step into the endzone
Run him out of town
Fire him
Fine him
Speculate on surgery
Break his thumb
Take care of one last remaining bit of unfinished business
Make him unhappy


May 1999