Short Dick Man
by Mark Peters

Don't ya know girls don't want no Short Dick Man?
The pigeons cooed, the people bustled
Girls rule, boys drool, I liked the sex, it was good
Remember kiting is dangerous when done incorrectly

              When her husband is out of town
              Well, first I make sure they're legal

Not only will you be fined but hey you have nice ankles
Lots and lots through and through less and less
Punk rock, free pizza and I love her like bacon with Ozzy
Oh Henry you sick bastard bring your checkbook

              Parents and teens, serious relationships
              Hey love!! You're fat!!

Either way, sexually transmitted diseases are not fun
So I graciously accepted the chamomile tea she had made
As many music critics have pointed out
I'm gonna slip my pickle up all your sweet rectums!

              My quivering mound of love pudding
              Don't forget to go out and vote today

You're the cutest little shitbag in the world: I love you
I'm like LL Cool J, I need love
My mother introduced me to it through the church
You'll find the details on the World Wide Web

              You guys sound like dogs in heat
              Thanks for letting me eat

Originally, this was the land of opportunity
But then I touched your hand and the next moment we kissed
Was it a gun or the will of the international community?
I want to be with you! I will show you my BOOBIES!


October 1999